Most people including my own family know nothing at all about who I am on the inside, about how I think the way I think or why I do things the way I do them. Well here is a small piece of who I am internally. As a child I had many childhood traumas which little did I know at the time follow you into adulthood. Before I reached age 14 I was drinking and doing meth like it was going out of style. By the time I was 16 I was married and still partying and doping. I managed to quite the meth during my pregnancies. And after all 3 of my children were born I managed to stay clean long enough to breast feed. Well I mainly lived my entire life a druggy with a the mindset of a 12 year.
Unfortunately this was not my fault nor my parents fault nor theirs, this goes way back. You see even my own parents weren’t taught by their parents how to be responsible functioning adults with healthy boundaries why because they were never taught because their parent weren’t taught and so on and so forth. Well a little over 2 years ago I finally hit my rock bottom at . I have been clean every since then. I have also been learning more about myself then I ever though there was to learn. One thing I have learned is that it is a daily struggle to live life as a good person with good intentions because all my life my intentions have been selfish. Everyday I have to analyze every thought that comes through my head. Since my head was manipulating everything and everyone so easily. I could even lie to myself and believe it. To keep me from going back into that mindset I must analyze every thought before I act on anything.
I am proud of how much I have learned and grown since I quit but it is and will always be a daily struggle for me to just learn how to live and function like a normal adult. But like I said I am doing good and making progress everyday.