Posted in Life through the eyes/mind of recovering addicts!

Just some clarification

clerityI wanted to let you all know a few things about me. Yes I am a recovering addict however I do not believe marijuana is addicting. I believe anything is addicting if you do it enough for it to cause problems. I was smoking daily, I’m not sure that I ever let myself come down from the high. So I have chosen not to quit but to stop buying it. That doesn’t mean that I will not enjoy it at times or that I will not use it sometimes to help slow my head. It simply means I did abuse it and I am living my consequences of abusing it now by not being able to afford anything. I really want and need a place I can call home and me I simply had to prioritize what do you want more? Do you want to be stuck living with others for the rest of your life so you can get high on a daily basis or do you want to pull your head out of your ass and grow up a little and use it as medication rather then for coping with the consequences of my choices.

Is it going to be easy to break the daily habit no because that’s what it has become is a habit and I know those are not easy to break. But my will is strong and I do believe that I can control my intake and I will. I just thought you all should know that about me.

Oh one more thing, I unlike most recovering addicts do not believe that there is no cure. I at one time popped pills like they were going out of style and drank more then the largest man in the bar. Yet today I can have pills all over the house and booze and choose to not do it. I am around booze on a daily basis and pills are easy enough for me to get I just don’t have the urge at all anymore. Yes there are time’s when I hear the bottle calling however I know that when hear it calling that’s the one time to run the fuck away and just say no.

Who knows maybe I’m wrong and I will fall again but I don’t believe not for one second that I will fall. I guess well all get to watch live and see how my journey pans out huh?

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Author:

Well I am a mother of three children (well not children anymore). I am also a recovering addict trying to figure out reality and healthy adult living. I guess you can say I am soul searching. I am a positive person who tries to see the glass as half full.

2 thoughts on “Just some clarification

  1. I have been clean for a little over 12 years and I would have to disagree with you on this, ” I do not believe marijuana is addicting.” Anything I do to take me away from me is addicting. As you stated also, “It simply means I did abuse it and I am living my consequences of abusing it now by not being able to afford anything” with this said it is your addiction. You used it to take yourself away from yourself. You smoked it to escape. That is an addiction. I used adrenaline to take me away from me and what ever I was going through at that time. I would dive (that’s right dive not jump) off 60 foot cliffs, ride my motorcycle at 120 plus mph on the freeway, I would make up ways to rob a bank, and I would have sex as much as possible. This is an addiction. There were no consequences to my actions. It did not cost me any more money than what I had at the time but it was still taking me out of me and everything I had to face at that time.

    Hope this make sense,

    Circlediamond

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that perspective on this. I guess my head still tried to justify huh? This is exactly why I created this blog. This was an awesome and positive way to respond thank you so much for your perception, It does look different from this view. I appreciate it. If you ever feel like you can help someone and want to share some of your stories please let me know. If not I still appreciate your input. You are right I totally contradict myself there don’t I?

      Like

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