It’s that time of year again where I really have to be careful. I caught my mind today trying to lie to me to “set the stage”. I am so thankful that I recognized it for what it was instead of giving in. My head is starting to try and get me to believe that my boyfriend is cheating on me. I know that it’s just my rotation because every year this time it tries coming back. My boyfriend has not given me any reason to not trust him nor has his behavior changed yet my head is trying to make up reasons for me to not trust him. My head is doing this because this is the time of year in my past where I would set my partner up to take the fall in front of all. It was my way to have an excuse to cheat and make it their fault to boot. I not only made it their fault I set them up in front of other people to look as though they were abusing me. I would invite friends and or family over for a nice BBQ, then I would start a fight with my partner, I was so good I would time that fight and just when I knew people would start to show up I would push my partner to the breaking point. This way when people showed up my partner was in a rage, yelling, screaming, lifting their fist while poor little me cried and pretended to be scared.
I refuse to allow my past behaviors come back to ruin what I have. I couldn’t do it without my Higher Power! Awesome small miracles!